Khrista Mari

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Personal Essays

So, if all stories begin at the beginning, let me tell you the story of how I arrived into this world.  I was supposed to be born on October 31st but that’s my mother’s birthday and she swore she wasn’t sharing her day with anyone else.  So, whether she held me in or by God’s will, I wasn’t born until November 12.  But be careful what you wish for.  Having been twelve days late I didn’t come quietly into that good light.  You see, my mother’s water broke sometime between October 31st and November 12th but she didn’t realize.  Little by little, the amniotic sac drained and I was left with very little fluid in which to survive.  It took a while for everyone to realize something was wrong and by the time they did they had to induce labor.  My mother began to push, but the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck like a noose so, every time my mom pushed she was choking me.  At one point, the fetal monitor showed that my heartbeat was getting very weak.  This meant that the doctor would have to perform an emergency C-section.  In such a situation, there are papers that need to be signed that basically state which life to save (the mother or the child) if only one life can be saved.  Usually, it is the child that is saved over the mother.  My father had to sign these papers.  A man with impeccable handwriting was unable to manage anything but a chicken scratch reminiscence of his signature.  Could you imagine having to choose which life to save – your wife or your unborn child?  I don’t know if it’s irony or fate or whatever that we both survived only to be left without him in the end.  Anyway, when I was finally taken from my mother’s womb, I was completely covered in dry skin – scaly, like a little snake and peeling and shedding just like a snake shedding its skin.  If I really wanted to read into it, I could say that contrary to the popular belief that snakes are a symbol of evil, they are actually a symbol of rebirth due to their ability to shed the old skin in place of a new one.  I, just like the snake, was shedding my old skin and being reborn as a human baby rather than a fetus.  Either way, my entrance into this world was anything but quiet – and I intend to go out just as exciting as the way I came in.  I spent most of my childhood quietly – quiet at school, quiet at home and not many friends.  No more!We all know how the story ends – we die – but we get to decide if the story’s a love story, an adventure or a tragedy.  The way I see it, life is one big rollercoaster – ups and downs, twists and turns – and you can either be afraid of those drops or you can have fun with them.  Some people live for those drops.  I’m not a big fan, but I’ve just decided that if I’m going down, I’m gonna have as much fun as I can doing it.  You only live once.  Everyone has at least one or two crazy stories from their childhood/young adulthood.  I do, too, and it’s not over for me.  It’s just not who I am.  I’m not satisfied unless I’m walking that line between right and wrong.  I want adventure.  I want risk.  I don’t ever want predictability.  But, I think what I want most of all is to meet someone who truly and totally “gets” me.  I’ve spent more than half my life feeling like something just wasn’t quite right.  I mean, sure, I had friends but no one like me.  I think it’s hysterical that my brother thinks I’m the queen of absolutely useless information – you know, the kind of stuff you know but it doesn’t help you pass tests or get you through life but for some reason you know it.  Well, that’s me. And you know what?  I like it!  I like that everyone thinks I’m a big kid.  I love it all.  I embrace it and I thrive on it.  But what’s important is that I’m not pretending.  I’m not playing a role.  This is me – plain and simple, except that I’m anything but plain and simple.  I march to my own drummer and listen to the voices in my head.  I believe in fate and destiny.  I believe there are signs everywhere leading us along this rollercoaster of life.  It’s just that not everyone can see them.  Although, it’s not so much that they can’t see them – it’s that they don’t see them.  I don’t believe in fortune telling.  No one knows what the future holds.  But – if you allow your eyes to see instead of just look or your ears to listen instead of just hear – then you just might allow yourself to live than to just exist.


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